“Learning to Believe in Myself
So, as of writing this I have been doing CrossFit for a little over a year. Over that year, I’ve learned a lot about myself (which you will find out if you continue to stay tuned to the blog) and grown in strength and skills; but more importantly, I’ve grown in how much I believe in myself.
I would say that it took me at least six months, maybe more, to even start believing in myself and actually thinking that I “fit in” or belonged at CrossFit (just like everything CrossFit-related, I am a slooooow learner). Before I go any further, I have to clarify: the reason this took so long is absolutely, completely and 100% about me and what I think/thought of myself, NOT because of the other members at my gym or my coaches. They have all been totally welcoming, encouraging and inclusive from day one. It just took me (and is still taking me) a long time to see myself as an athlete, trust myself, and believe that I might actually be good at some things. And believe that I deserved to work out alongside with all the “good” people (seeing that typed out, I have to admit that it does sound a little silly).
In fact, even though I’ve come a long way, just a couple weekends ago, I described myself to a friend and fellow CrossFitter, when talking about my non-athletic background and how I used to run, as “just a poser who does CrossFit.” Thankfully, she (and my roommate who overheard this) were quick to correct me.
Quick background: I’ve never been athletic or into sports. At all. Before CrossFit, I dabbled in running (I only realized once I started CrossFit how much I never actually liked running) and worked out at the gym, but only because I had to. Never something I looked forward to in the slightest. I always tell people that the last day of Grade 9 Gym was the happiest day of my life because I’d never have to do that again.
So, when I started CrossFit, I was terrified that I would feel like a loser and wouldn’t be able to do anything. If you’ve tried CrossFit, you know that nothing could be further from the truth, and that if you’ve found yourself a good gym, both athletes and coaches will be friendly and will help you scale anything to your level.
But I still felt like I didn’t belong. I wasn’t good enough. Everyone else was better than I was. I remember during my early months at CrossFit seeing top times on the whiteboard and thinking that I could never compete or belong with those seemingly elite athletes. I repeatedly downplayed my accomplishments and bought into my lie of telling myself that I was somehow in a lower class than everyone else.
Yet, at the same time, I was working harder and harder. I started staying after class to work on skills, taking advantage of one-on-one coaching sessions to work on weaknesses, and (without knowing it), getting stronger and stronger.” Continued…